Two sides of this question keep coming back to me.

1. To feel secure (in all ways), people need to be surrounded by others who they trust, who they have values in common with, who don't challenge their lifestyles.
2. To grow and develop, people need to connect with others who are different from them, to break down stereotypes, and see people for who they really are.

It seems to me that wars arise when people feel insecure, and when they don't understand or empathise with the people on the other side of the fence (literally or metaphorically).

So, imagine someone wants to find someone else to play chess, tennis, or music with. Someone might feel so insecure that they only want someone from their own small community. But the small number of people from that community is likely to run out, soon enough. And are other people's, say, religious or political beliefs really relevant to chess, tennis or music?¹⁾ So, maybe, as someone gains confidence that sharing their hobby is not dangerous, and maybe as they also grow in self-development, on a ReGenMatch service they might try dropping their requirement for the other person to have particular views, or come from the same background or culture.

In this way, social relationships, and even friendships, can potentially grow up between people from polar opposite groups.²⁾ Of course I'm not saying that this approach is a magic wand, but I am saying that if you want to enable people to meet across divides, I can't think of a better way of supporting that with the technology than something like ReGenMatch, if it can (and it will) allow people to describe themselves – and people they would like to meet – in as much detail, with as much precision, as they want. That way, they are not confronted by a shocking opposition, likely to trigger a hostile emotional reaction, but they are allowed to take their time in exploring their curiosity and vulnerability.

Is there any other service that can do this; that can help people find others with enough in common to open a respectful conversation, despite having deep ideological differences? I am keen to explore how to manage those conversations, through what I call ontological commoning.